Accounting Jokes – Having a Laugh

1An accountant is visiting his doctor one day; feeling quite under the weather and not quite himself. “Doctor, what is wrong with me?” The doctor replies “Its quite simple … you are suffering from a bout of accumulated depreciation”.
2How do accountants suffer when they are not able to balance a trial balance?
A very late night.
3Have you heard the one about the an accountant who is interesting?
Nope? I haven’t either.
4What do accountants use for birth control?
Their personalities.
5What is a good definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. 
6What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular
7How can you tell you are talking with an accountant who is an extrovert?
He is looking at your shoes instead of his own.
8What do actuaries do to liven up a party?
They invite an accountant along.
9What is grey and not quite there?
An accountant on vacation.
10How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
11St Peter was talking with God one day and asked God why He had created economists? God replied “Its quite simple Peter … so our dear accountants had someone to laugh at”.
12Dictionary definition of a budget: an orderly system designed by accountants for us to live beyond your means.
13Why is it we find so many accountants who decide to become actuaries? They just found that book keeping way to exciting!
14Dictionary definition of a tax shelter: a place of rest for homeless accountants.
15Seen above the door to an accounting team of a local business: “Welcome, a place where everyone counts”.
16How does an accountant come by fame and fortune? Has a tax loophole named after them.
17A chicken once asked “So … why does an accountant cross the road then?”. Easy, to bore the people on the other side too.
18Despite all the different specialty areas within the accounting profession, there are only three types of accountants at heart; the ones that can count and the ones that can’t.
19Accountants are known for their “tactful” approach to client’s feelings. One accountant was overheard telling his client “The only reason why your business is looking up is because it’s flat on it’s back”.
20If one was to cross a gorilla and an accountant, what would you get? A smarter accountant.
21Doctor to the accountant “Read any novels lately?” Accountant “Nope, they only have page numbers in them … whats the point?”
22Out of all the expenses that accounting recognises, which one is the tallest? Overheads.
23Ever wondered what the three letters CPA stand for after an accountants name? Can’t Pass Again.
24A husband walks back into the kitchen shaking his head after reading his young son the bed time story of Cinderella. His wife asks “What is the matter?’ The husband replies “I got to the part about the pumpkin turning into a golden carriage and Jimmy asked if that would be ordinary income or a capital gain!”
25How do you know your child is going to be an accountant when they grow up? If after hearing Little Bo Peep loses her sheep they ask if there is a tax deduction available.
26How did the accounting major student get such high grades at college? They paid off their “principal”.
27Why did the accountant push wages down a hill? He wanted to see the payroll.
28What kind of debt did the accountant, who thought of himself as bit of a secret agent, recommend to the board? A bond, James Bond.
29Do you know what the difference between a lawyer an an accountant? No? Its quite simple … the accountant knows he is boring.
30If you accountant is getting a bit loud at the office how do you get him to quiet down? Tell him to use his “invoice”.
31What do accountants call vendors who have trouble telling the truth about where the payment is? A “supp-liar”.
32If a lightbulb needs changing how many auditors does it take?
What was the answer on last year’s file?
33How do you know an accountant is being a bit mean in the joke he is telling?
He uses an a-cruel joke.